It’s easy for me to forget that it’s not all up to me. I want to be a wise steward. I want to learn and do all that I can to make the changes and move the work along, whatever it may be.But it gets SO overwhelming. I finally reach a point where I get frustrated and angry and just can’t see a way out. This was one of those times.
I’d almost given up several times now on how it was all going to work out. But this time, I could see it. At least a little. I had planned and calculated, done some research. This time, we’d figure it out. You see, when we first moved our family to Ecuador, we came with some money in savings to get us set up and cover our expenses for the first while. But we were running out of savings and our income wasn’t sufficient to cover a month’s expenses. I was stressed, but I found that if I was careful and allocated it all just right, we’d be okay.
And then William came along and let me know he’d offered $100 to help some friends down on their luck. It was Christmas time, we’d talked about helping them. I wanted to do something. But at this point, $100 is a week of living expenses. And when our income didn’t match? I lost it. It was the last straw, the bottom of the hole. Yes, I wanted to be generous and give. But how was I supposed to give from an empty bucket!? It felt so hopeless. And William always seemed to want to be helping other people and forgetting that I was at home pinching pennies and eating rice and beans.
Okay, I blew it out of proportion a little. But in the moment, that’s how I felt. As I went to bed near tears that night, I told Heavenly Father about it all. About how William had stepped in and messed up my plan and there wasn’t any other way. You know the thought I had?
“I’m not surprised and I have a plan.”
I almost laughed. Oh, right. God of the Universe, my Father in Heaven. He knows. He knows our situation, He knows William and our actions don’t exactly catch him off guard. And he STILL has a plan.
I’ve had that line come back to me several times over the past few weeks. It’s a good reminder to me that I can trust in Him and I don’t need to worry so much. I still do. I worry. But I’m trying to breathe through it and be better at trusting too.
He’s not surprised, and He has a plan.
